The F-word: Are Closeted Gay Guys Our Biggest Haters?

The other day, one of my best friends was on a first date. After dinner, they said goodnight to each other, kissed, and started to part ways. In that moment, from across the lobby, a group of guys took notice. One of the men – speech slurred with alcohol – yelled out, “I knew you were f*****s.” Choice words were exchanged, and a non-violent but intense confrontation ensued.
My friend was shocked at being called a f****t – and I immediately thought back to my own surprise when a New York City worker used those words against Mitch and I last year.
Even further back, I remember a young man in my middle school. He was ruthless and unrelenting in his verbal, homophobic attacks against me, and I remember it all being a living hell. When I graduated middle school, he somehow got his hands on my yearbook. On the very first page, he wrote, “Sorry that I called you gay. You seem pretty cool.” It was something of an apology – but being in the closet, I immediately ripped his words out of the page.
It wasn’t until fairly recently that I heard he had come out of the closet. It’s like that football player in Glee that is constantly picking on Kurt, but that is secretly gay himself. Only now does it all make sense. My middle school tormentor hated me for being gay because he hated himself for being gay. I embodied the very thing about which he was so uncomfortable – and moreover, singling me out for being gay took any attention or questioning away from him. In some twisted way, it was how he was trying to cope.
We all have super busy lives, and are generally uninterested in the personal lives of strangers. Most people can’t be bothered. For someone to feel the need to yell “f****t” at another human being, it shows a level of personal investment. Why do they care so much? Often times, I think it says a lot about their own internal struggle and possible self-hatred.
When I hear people use that f-word against another person, I don’t let it make me angry. Instead, I feel compassion. It breaks my heart, and I feel for the loveless space in which they dwell.
What do you think? Are closeted gay guys the most homophobic? Can you related to my experience?